Dividends of the Psyche, Matters of the Heart.

December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012









This mind of mine begins to stir, and I can not help but purge what flows as an aquatic mass of saturated thoughts. I won't give in to what is easier to "understand". Read, and understand YOU on yet another level.

I've always believed in the ideal of the heart and mind being partners, associates even; but, never directly connected. They work together to either protect or completely expose someone's true self, leaving them either susceptible or shut away from the elements.

The elements, you ask?

We all know these elements; not the rain, snow, and no umbrella; the meeting, acknowledging, and elevation (and destruction) of the element of love. It's so similar, to me, to the grainy center of an aged rock, a waterlogged pebble... Never quite resembling the element before it, after it, or next to it. It sheds layers, builds matter, even crumbles under constant exposure to other elements--pain, financial ruin, deceit.

My calling is to write about pain, reminding anyone without vision of their humanity; whether we are prepared or not, whether we are enjoying the trail or not, we are all subject to it. Love, pain, simultaneously. All at once, we're wrapped in it, sometimes finding pleasure in being unsafe. The journey to emptiness seems adventurous, attractive... but once the fuel has depleted and we're stuck right there... in the empty state, incompletely... the smiles are gone. Our hypocrisy is all the same.


I've learned less about avoiding hitting the elements head-on, and more about how to remain in touch with my very self once they've arrived. I've also come to a clear concensus that admitting how much control we just don't have... leaves the mind open to so much growth. Sound body, sound mind, sound SELF.

And with that said..
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My body.

It's unappreciated, often untouched. Per my own request.

There's something about casual sex I've always understood, yet never agreed with. I know it's point, I know it's appeal; but I'll never partake in the act, because I couldn't respect myself before or after all is said, done, and... maybe done again.

I look at myself in the mirror sometimes, without anything on, and think of how unimportant I'd be to someone, if I only saw myself as this literal image. A body, just... that. Without my knowledge, restraint, and love for self, I'd have little more to offer than that.

And that's when I turn away from the mirror, close my eyes, and remember the power my body and mind have, and why I don't just give it away for the sake of being "wanted". I've given my pen and paper to a man, revealed my gifts, thoughts, and way with words... showed him all there truly was to me. Ran my fingers across the nape of his neck while he read, and later asked him how it felt to both look at me, and actually hear me, read me. It's damn near impossible to find the passion I display, in a cheap taudry affair.

It's safe to say, I was just meant to engage in deeper relations.

[Standby].